A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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