I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
