To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
