my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
