I'm really into asian looking animals
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
