I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
