I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
