After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
