I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
