u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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