At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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