Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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