I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
