why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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