We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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