U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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