i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
