She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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