I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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