my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
