Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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