No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
