Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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