VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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