She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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