my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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