we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
