just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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