tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
