I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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