my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
