we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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