Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she pinky promised me she was 18
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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