every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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