If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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