Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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