he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
