Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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