i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
