i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
