it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
