Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
