Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Never underestimate the power of titties
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
