just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
