Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
