nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
