I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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