If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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