He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
