if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
