found the other keg... it's in the tree
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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