i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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