you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
