I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
