you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
