I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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