She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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