I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
