I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
