Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
