Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
