So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Houston, we have a squirter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
