I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
