Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize