Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
