What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
