i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
