I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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