I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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