He is an equal opportunity slut.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize