Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
