yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I FOUND THE LEGS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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