Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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