What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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