textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
