Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize