Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
