I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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