It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
