I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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