Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
