Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
