3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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