So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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