if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
