Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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