im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there was a trapeze. enough said
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
