she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
