Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
