i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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