I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We left the knife in your bed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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