lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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