You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
