girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
