oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
