She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize