at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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