Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
