made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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