My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
