i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
